People have complained that all my entries past and present are all depressingly depressing, all about doom and despair.
The fact is, I'd like very much to embrace the zest of life and live to the max. Problem is my circumstances are not predisposed to my favour in this. In summary, I'm in the pits because:
1. The bulk of my friends are moving overseas for illustrious and exciting places like the UK for further studies, and those who are not are progressing in their local uni life at breathtaking speed. And I'm not with them.
2. Those chaps in the Singapore Armed Fking Forces who I know are either in their ORD stage, or have completed their training phase and are posted to slack units, or have simply gotten themselves a slack vocation from the start. And, I'm not with them.
3. What I'm with is a horrible course in Armour where the instructors are bloodthirsty Orcs and the camp grounds are deep in the festering jungles and chicken farms of Lim Chu Kang and the training schedule is of ridiculous proportions.
4. And to top it all off, I'm still struggling with some very deep rooted problems that have plagued me since last last year and somehow they remain entrenched in my consiousness. Much of it involves my sense of purpose within a Christian context and the whole issue of my direction in life and what has God to do with me.
So, now, enter the Autumn in the springtime of my life, because I am under siege and without reprieve, and my position is fading into yesteryear whilst the rest of the world advances at speeds unimaginable. I am hard pressed to maintain my faith and my hopes are blurring into indistinction.
I seem to be heading into a cold dark winter. What little joy I have is on the weekends when I can see the faces of my loved ones both family and friends, and even that is being eroded.
My situation is not yet untenable, but it sure is uneviable.
