Departure's Eve

Before I leave for Taiwan it seems that I must get something down on the blog because this'll be dormant for the rest of the month.

Again, I must bitch about the massive difference in the trips that my friends and I arew undertaking. Whilst they will be having a fantastic time in the UK I will be driving round in an armoured fighting vehicle in some Taiwanese plateau in all the dust and mud. Bugger.

There's gonna be 3 straight days of live firing, and it wont be on the basic range. Instead we'll be firing all the heavy weapons while the vehicles are on the MOVE. Hows that for excitement and danger? I suppose that'll be the only bright spot other than R and R over there.

Speaking of R and R, my shopping list only has clothes and Taiwanese instant noodles on it. I'm open to anything people want to tompang on me, but gadgets are out of the question- they may be direct from JapLand, but they sure are too expensive for a coporal's pay. So no iPod5 or Samsung megasong whatever schizo wizo gadgets for me, thanks.

Damn, I'll miss my family and my bed.

And Arsenal lost to Boro of all people. Life sucks.

Fare Thee Wells

In any case here's a goodbye to those who've departed and are departing for the Western havens, especially my fellow Lit S chapette Shafa.

Ya'll had better enjoy yourselves wherever you go and dont do drugs. May you have many friends and learn more about life- real life, not the canned life that is all Singapore has. May you have time to appreciate what you've got and the opportunities- the vast infinite opportunities- that await. Remember: studies are your second priority. Living is your first.

And Shafa- dont brood over that issue. Friends are not just friends, they can be more. There is more to friendship than either normal casualness or red hot attraction. It's called siblinghood. And its best that way if you get what I mean. Good luck and dont be overwhelmed by it all.

Enter the Autumn

People have complained that all my entries past and present are all depressingly depressing, all about doom and despair.

The fact is, I'd like very much to embrace the zest of life and live to the max. Problem is my circumstances are not predisposed to my favour in this. In summary, I'm in the pits because:

1. The bulk of my friends are moving overseas for illustrious and exciting places like the UK for further studies, and those who are not are progressing in their local uni life at breathtaking speed. And I'm not with them.

2. Those chaps in the Singapore Armed Fking Forces who I know are either in their ORD stage, or have completed their training phase and are posted to slack units, or have simply gotten themselves a slack vocation from the start. And, I'm not with them.

3. What I'm with is a horrible course in Armour where the instructors are bloodthirsty Orcs and the camp grounds are deep in the festering jungles and chicken farms of Lim Chu Kang and the training schedule is of ridiculous proportions.

4. And to top it all off, I'm still struggling with some very deep rooted problems that have plagued me since last last year and somehow they remain entrenched in my consiousness. Much of it involves my sense of purpose within a Christian context and the whole issue of my direction in life and what has God to do with me.

So, now, enter the Autumn in the springtime of my life, because I am under siege and without reprieve, and my position is fading into yesteryear whilst the rest of the world advances at speeds unimaginable. I am hard pressed to maintain my faith and my hopes are blurring into indistinction.

I seem to be heading into a cold dark winter. What little joy I have is on the weekends when I can see the faces of my loved ones both family and friends, and even that is being eroded.

My situation is not yet untenable, but it sure is uneviable.

Chain of Command:Chains of Command: Chained by Command

I must thank God for the grace He has shown me all this while in my conscription.

For instance delivering me from punishment that was due me when I slept on guard duty.

That bastard of an OC wanted to charge me, but I guess God's bigger than the biggest dude on earth.

Oh well. I cant take God for granted.

But I am disturbed, very disturbed.

My classmates are all accelerating down the fast track, even those in the Singapore Armed Fugking Forces.

Check out my classmate's blog:

"Time reallie flies when I am in this camp. By the rate it goes I think very quickly I will ORD alr haha... Now i am just planning for my first real vacation trip since my As ended haha.. Thinking of goin Thailand either Koh Samui or Phuket to learn scuba..haha.. Any suggestions or anyone interested to join me? haha..."

Gee Whiz. Way to go, old chap.

Im stuck in the iron hells of Armour and there is no reprieve at all. None absolutely.

Am I actually bitching here?

Im I complaining over small little petty inconsequential trifles?

The fact is , NO.

I AM STUCK.

AND I WANT OUT.

NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW.

I am going stark raving mad and I need ORD desperately.

I cant really elaborate about training.

Not that its classified or anything, but the fact is I am too tired to recall what I've been through, and when I do I am too exhausted to put it into words, and if I do, it'll come out in monosyllabic phrases like:

monday i did SOC.
tuesday I did section battle course.
wednesday we did vehicle maintenence.
thursday had IPPT test
and so on
and so forth
ad infinitum
ad nauseum

Like now!

Im all for militaries and security. But I am not cut out to be a soldier.

Reforger

I intend through all this bitterness gain some measure of strength.

Yes, I badly desire that steel that was once in me before the Crisis Days.

It is sickening to see me now as I am, languishing in despair and purposeless desire.

I intend to be independent of my emotions, of my sentiments, of my shallow and petty desires which everyone labels as being "normally human".

I will have strength and it will come by no other way save the death of sentiment and delusional hope.

Indeed, there are many things that must be put to the sword and to the torch.

Online

This is my attempt to seek new publishing grounds.

Await further posts.