Tuesday, November 28, 2006

The Enemy of my Enemy

Watched the Manchester Utd vs Chelsea game at CHIJMES with Sam and Shannon.

I don't normally watch other club's games, but since Arsenal had lost the plot I wanted to see what the league leaders were doing that Arsenal wasn't.

Under normal circumstances, the best outcome for the Arsenal would be a draw.

But these were not normal circumstances, with Arsenal dropping out of the title race thanks to the Bolton Wanderers Rugby Team.

The only scenario which would really give the Gunners hope is both implausible and ludicrous:

Drogba does a "Hand of God" in the 90th minute to equalise, which the referee allows. Van der Saar punches Drogba out of frustration. This leads to a 22-men brawl where John Terry breaks his wrist trying to throttle Nemanja Vidic; and Wayne Rooney stomps on Cavarlho's groin again. From out of nowhere Ronaldo suddenly starts rolling on the ground and moaning and holding his face, even though nobody touched him. The result? 22 red cards. Mourinho makes death threats to Sir Ferguson and is promptly investigated by the police. Abramovich talks to the referee and offers him a 40 million pound bribe to have him rescind the red cards for Chelsea. Unfortunately for him, he's caught on tape and the English FA charge Chelsea with criminal activity and this leads to Chelsea being relegated to the Coca-Cola Championship, Juventus-style. Manchester United are docked 7 points, paving the way for a good old fashioned 2 horse race between them and Arsenal.

Arsenal aren't going to win the EPL, barring the above scenario.

But in the meantime, in the real world, I didnt mind Manchester United, in the apt words of Jacob, "squashing them (Chelsea) like vermin". In fact that would have been sublimely desirable.

So when Saha's intelligent strike went in I found myself cheering with the Red Horde around me.

But Saha went on to blow hot and cold throughout the match, and Rooney (along with Giggs) remained the main threats. Ronaldo was quite effectively closed down by the mercenary Traitor Cashley Cole, who was himself one of the better performers on the blue side.

Makalele remained brutally effective, Ballack seemed to have descended into Gothic thuggery, Drogba was Drogba, and Shevchenko turned out to be Manchester Utd's star player. He didnt do shit. Losing headers, giving the ball back to Man Utd, not bothering to challenge Michael Carrick for the ball, he was Chelsea's biggest liability, and thus Man Utd's best friend. He must have been weighed down with all those millions of pounds in his short's pockets. Or perhaps he was preoccupied with something on his mind.. "What should I spend my money on this week?"

Perhaps the most telling moments came during the subsitutions on both sides. And the contrast between both sides could not have been more stark. Darren Fletcher and John O Shea, while competant, are not exactly in the same league as Joe Cole and Arjen Robben. Chelsea simply did not look like losing, from what can be seen on the bench.

I don't think this will be limited to that match. It could happen to anybody, including Arsenal. It could well be, come the December clash, Flamini and Walcott vs Joe Cole and Arjen Robben on the substitution line-up. Again, the blue substitutes are distinctly superior.

But since I loathe Chelsea's guts, I'd rather Manchester United have triumphed that night. A bitter pill to swallow, but the enemy of my enemy is my friend.

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Arsenal 3 Hamburg 1

After scoring, the Hamburgers tried to pack 10 men in the box like everybody else, but we bashed them good anyways!

However, I'd gladly trade our Champions League victory (and spot) for 15 Premier League points. No point in gunning for European glory when you're gonna lose out on the basic title. Last season was spectacular, but I don't think we can pull it off again. Maybe in another season's time when the younglings have gotten more experience.

Still, a victory is still a victory, and I'm happy for the team. Erases the pain from that soccer-retarded outfit Newcastle's visit to the Emirates.

But the most important part of the match, and the greatest cause for optimism, can be captured in the match report on soccernet.com:

"Then, with eight minutes left, the breakthrough came.

Full-back Eboue, who had broken clear down the right so many times without reward, was released again by substitute Theo Walcott....

Victory was completed two minutes from time when Walcott dashed clear on the break down the right and crossed for Baptista - `The Beast' - to power in a header for his first goal since moving from Real Madrid. "

We've got the new Thierry Henry! And he happens to be the new Ian Wright as well!

Lets hear it for THEO WALCOTT!

If only he were 4 years older! Or better yet, if Henry were 4 years younger!
King Henry + Theo Walcott = PWNED with a capital 'O'

Great things await the Arsenal. Not this year, but in the near future.

Thursday, November 16, 2006

The New Bond Film is Weird Shit

Having said that, it's decent in it's own strange way. At least that's what I thought, don't know about Reuben, an old friend whom I caught it with.

Not bad in terms of action, and it did have a nice twisty plot, though Craig would have fit better as the Bond villain rather than as Bond himself. And there was no Q! Awful! And the time-line was all screwed up: Bond began as 007 back in the 1950's-1960's Cold War. Not in some post-Cold-War, no, post 9/11, time frame, like what the movie portrayed. They placed the beginning right at the very end! How weird is that!

In addition I found it disappointing that there were no ignominious deaths for the baddies (relatively speaking). A gun-launched nail through a false eye and into the brain might be gross, but it's not gross enough for 007's nefarious arch-enemy. Nothing makes a Bond film a Bond film quite like seeing the evil mastermind drowning in radioactive water or getting frozen by liquid nitrogen or being sucked into a giant chainsaw.

While on a morbid note, the torture scene was a cringe-inducing moment reminiscent of Hard Candy. One can only wonder how 007 ever became the womanizer he is today given all that punishment inflicted on his testicles. Gives the term "Balls of Steel" a whole new meaning, doesn't it.

Or maybe that's how he got the codename "Double-O" (Double-Zero). The people at MI6 all thought he only had a pair of "zeroes" left after the torture, and he proved them all wrong in the subsequent films! Ha! Ha! Ha!

Sorry.

Right, enough of the plot spoilers and the examination of the grosser aspects of the movie. Suffice to say that it was a bit more strange than the conventional Bond movie, and yet less crazy; it was more plausible (save the afore mentioned part) and it tied everything together quite nicely- especially his penchants for Aston Martins, Vodka Martinis shaken not stirred, and all the rest. Not stupendously great stuff, yet not bad at all either.

But this movie was significant, and not just because it was the first movie I watched with my pink IC in a long time.

It represented a kind of Genesis Project (imperfect as it is) for an entire generation of secret agent flicks captured in that unique, recognizable style.

I had grown up with the Bond genre since my early years and I can't really forget all that ownage gadgetry and cool British wit with big Hollywood explosions and chase sequences all over the place. The women were a mere side-show, despite what many (mostly male) fans might think. The flesh flashes were just for the more Neanderthalic fan-base.

Speaking of the Neanderthalic fan-base, I have to admit that I enjoyed the Austin Powers spin-offs too, but they were a bit imbalanced. They seemed more calculated towards purely disrespectful iconoclasticism then true satire and parody. They would've been better had they involved more wit and less ribald humour. But they were still quite funny, though they were imperfect as a parody in the real sense of the term.

Bond was to pulp fiction spydom what Star Trek and Star Wars (the original trilogy) were to pulp science fiction. He defined the crazy-assed world of crazy-assed Cold War espionage. I'm grateful to him for introducing the prospects of jet-packs and missile-armed cars and wrist-watch lasers and underwater spear-gun fights to my impressionable 8-year-old mind. Did a great deal for my imagination, much more than Barney and his dinosaur friends could ever hope to achieve (not that I hate Barney anymore, he's ok, the real freaky ones are Teletubbies). Good stuff, if cheesy at times (Bond, not Barney).

To end off, here's something for the conspiracy theorists:
Why are They screening Casino Royale just after They decided to build the "Integrated Resorts"? Is there something more subliminal than spy-games going on here?

Sunday, November 12, 2006

Arsenal, Arsenal FC!

Arsenal 3 Liverpool 0!

Well done Matt Flamini, Kolo, and Billy Gallas!

And Hleb and van Persie too!

BORING BORING ARSENAL!!

Screw you Liverpool! Ha! Ha! Ha!

Reading 3 Tottenham 1!!

ARE YOU WATCHING TOTTENHAM??!!?!

Stand up if you hate Tottenham!

Come On Arsenal, Come On Arsenal; Arsenal, Arsenal FC!

Well, there were some points where the team fell short, and I hoped Master Wenger was taking note of them.

1. Adebayour and his finishing. Not good enough, period.
2. King Henry and his off-colour performance.

Plus, the Bellamy goal being disallowed for offside was a dubious decision, but hey, not that it mattered.

Easily the most interesting moments of the game were two clownish incidents: The van Persie rendition of Maradona's Hand of God and the part when the referee pulled his calf muscle. Ha!

Come on Arsenal!

I caught the match with Sam Lim at the Elizabeth Pub at the Elizabeth Hotel. The place is quite a nice set-up, not least because its owned by an Arsenal fan.

This results in the most Ownage ambience you can get in a pub (if you're an Arsenal fan that is)- you've got massive wall-sized posters of King Henry and Bergkamp and Ljunberg and Bobby Pires and Viera and company. Arsenal scarves and other memorabilia adorn all the walls, along with team pictures- going all the way back to the days of Tony Adams and Martin Keown!

And the crowd was the Ownage too. If you go anywhere else in Singapore the Arsenal fans will be outnumbered 5 to 1 by Liverpudlian scum and Man Utd gangs. Here, it's Arsenal all the way.

And so we were in the midst of full-blooded singing of Arsenal chants:

"There's only One Arsene Wenger!"

"Ro-bin van Per-sie! Ro-bin van Per-sie!"

"Are you watching Tottenham?!?!"

"Stand up if you hate Tottenham!!!"

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Live Forever

by Oasis

Maybe
I don't really want to know
How your garden grows
I just want to fly

Lately did you ever feel the pain
In the morning rain
As it soaks it to the bone

Maybe I just want to fly
I want to live I don't want to die
Maybe I just want to breath
Maybe I just don't believe

Maybe you're the same as me
We see things they'll never see
You and I are gonna live forever

Maybe
I don't really want to know
How your garden grows
I just want to fly

Lately did you ever feel the pain
In the morning rain
As it soaks it to the bone

Maybe I will never be
All the things that I want to be
But now is not the time to cry
Now's the time to find out why

I think you're the same as me
We see things they'll never see
You and I are gonna live forever

We're gonna live forever
Gonna live forever
Live forever
Forever

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Oh No Arsenal

The Gunners won't be lifting the EPL title this season.

But heck, at least Chelsea's not on top.

The ones on top are- UGH- Man Utd, but at least they're the lesser, by a large margin, of the two evils.

Still...

Come on Arsenal!

Sunday, November 05, 2006

Voice of Vendetta

Remember, remember, the Fifth of November,

Gunpowder treason and plot.

I see no reason why the gunpowder treason

Should ever be forgot.

Guy Fawkes, Guy Fawkes, t'was his intent to blow up the King and the Parliament,

Three score barrels of powder below,

Poor old England to overthrow:

By God's Providence he was catch'd

With a dark lantern and burning match.

Holloa boys, holloa boys,

make the bells ring.

Holloa boys, holloa boys,

God save the King!

Hip hip hoorah! A penny loaf to feed the Pope,

A farthing o'cheese to choke him.

A pint of beer to rinse it down,

A faggot of sticks to burn him.

Burn him in a tub of tar

Burn him like a blazing star.

Burn his body from his head

Then we'll say ol' Pope is dead.

Hip hip hoorah! Hip hip hoorah!

ORD LOH!!

Friday, November 03, 2006

ORD LOH!

GOT MY PINK IC TODAY!

SCREW YOU 1WO BO COCK!

SCREW YOU LTA JM!

SCREW YOU MAJ G!

KISS MY ORDed ASS!!!

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Oh Come On Arsenal

It's very worrying when the team captain says something like:

"all our fans were shouting at us to SHOOT, but I have no idea what they were talking about"

after a goalless draw with 23 shots by your team and half of them missing a bloody open goal.

And that's whats going on.

Its exasperating and frustrating to see style valued to the point that it becomes the substance.

Maybe Arsenal should have bought van Nistelrooy instead of Rosicky, they need someone who can hit the ball into the goal, let alone an open goal, without fail.

And Wenger should wake up to the problem, or else he's going to lose the plot.

The Everton match was one thing, those football-challenged, football-handicapped, football-retarded fuckers just played all eleven of their men in the box and waited out the full ninety minutes, but the CKSA Moscow match was completely another.

Come on Arsenal! Lets score more goals!

We have to, dammit.