It seems that life in the Army is shaping me into a complete nihilist in the fashion of the original Nietzsche himself- slowly, tortourously, with every intent of making it a painful process as possible.
Was so bored during field camp that I had a read at one of the books the medic had brought to ease his own boredom. It was titled Honour Guard, some sort of pulp sci-fi novel about a computer game called Warhammer. The following lines fascinated me incredibly, and I felt extremely uncomfortable at the fact that they did:
To be a man in these times is to be one amongst untold billions. It is to live under the cruellest and most bloody regimes inmaginable. These are the tales of those times. Forget the power of science and technology, for much has been forgotten and never to be re-learned. Forget the promises of progress and understanding, for in the grim dark future there is only war. There is no peace among the stars, only carnage and slaughter, and the laughter of thirsty gods.
It only goes to show just how estranged from my previous life I am when I could not stop myself re-reading these lines and having some sick perverse desire for that prophecy to come true. It seems that deep down, the mindlessly brutal ways of the army have corrupted me, and are now making me relish the prospect of a future of death and destruction and bloodshed.
This is not intended to be some poor excuse for a carthartic rant, nor a down-in-the-doldrums moan of depression. It is merely a record of what I felt reading that book in the dark jungles of Pulau Tekong.
No comments:
Post a Comment